I ask myself this question on a daily basis. Why is it so hard to ask for help when you’re in pain?
After doing some research on this topic, there were three consistent reasons.
- We don’t want to be considered a burden.
- We don’t believe we deserve help.
- We don’t know how to ask.
These may seem like they are simple, but feeling like you are a burden that is undeserving of help can seem like an impending doom.
You begin to overthink, and by the time you’re finished worrying, you have forgotten how to ask for the help you need.
How to ask for help?
Asking for help can be tiring, especially when you are used to being ignored or neglected. I want to present to you three ways to ask for help even when you don’t believe in your capabilities to receive it.
Go Big, Then Go Home
Ask for the highest level of your need.
It can seem daunting if you tell someone you need a $3,595 loan or you will be out of a home and car within the next month. But do it.
When asking someone for help, remember three things.
- You need to survive to thrive.
- Help can and should be reciprocated.
- It builds connection and allows vulnerability.
The idea is to allow yourself to be vulnerable and learn what it means to reach out to others.
“Hey, I want to ask you for a big favor. It’s totally okay if you say no. Can you lend me [amount]? I will definitely pay you back when I get back on my feet.”
With this example, you present your need without rambling or overthinking.
Let’s Make a Trade
So you need help, but you don’t want to leave the repayment up to chance.
Trade your services for a set amount of help you need. If you need someone to make a grocery run, offer them a meal or a light snack in return.
Cooking not your forte?
Offer what you can in a moderate amount and have a clear distinction about when the favor has been repaid.
“Hey, can I ask you for a huge favor? Can you [state request]? I don’t have any money, but I can [state offer] for [state duration]. No worries if that doesn’t work for you.”
This example allows you to negotiate more with what you can offer.
With Humility and an Open Heart
What if you get rejected? What if they say no?
It happens, but how you react to it is more important than you think.
I have the horrible habit of asking for help and expecting people to say no.
So what changed? I realized I didn’t want them to say no, and when they did, I would be so crushed.
When you learn how to ask for help with humility and an open heart, you learn more about being vulnerable.
True vulnerability builds connection. And we can do amazing things when we are connected to another person.
So Here’s My Ask
I am in pain and would love your help. I lost most of my capacity to work last year due to higher-than-usual pain. So I have had to ask for help to take care of myself.
But it’s okay if you can’t do so. I am already grateful that you read my blog.
I ask that you purchase my poetry book. It’s not perfect, but with each book, I learn more about creating them.
If you want to do more, my CashApp is $JJnibble (Jona The Poet).
If you want to know more about my work, check out my latest poetry collection.