If you had told me three years ago that the pain I experienced was due to trauma, I would have laughed.

But now, I know it’s true, as the sky is blue.

The last few months have taught me what it means to become disabled and how to keep living when the world forgets you because it’s unpleasant.

New Year, Same Pain

The pain I have has three main triggers.

• Food- Gluten, Potatoes, High Sugar
• Weather- Pressure Changes
• Stress- Uncontrollable Situations that I try to control

So if I break it down, I can’t eat anything with gluten (though, I don’t always follow that rule.), weather changes make me cry because of the pressure changes, and I should remain as stress-free as possible.

Sounds miserable, doesn’t it?

And it can be if you only dwell on the bad parts.

I choose to dwell on the part I can manage. AKA, I have dark humor and love to drink tea and read.

Chronic Pain Syndrome

Or I like to call it, “You’re so f*cked, but they don’t know what to do with you.”

What is Chronic Pain Syndrome?

When you have experienced an injury or illness, patients may also be exposed to long-term pain while suffering from depression and other mental illnesses.

I doubt that’s what the doctors explained it as. They used fancy terms like, “When the body and mind are injured, but you didn’t get the care you need. This is often the result of those combined factors.”

I wish they have told me it would lead to disability or major storms would leave me screaming in pain.

Summer months aren’t as terrible, and living in the north is better than living in the south. But I can only live with family due to being unable to work and too ill to care for myself. I am in too much pain to perform most daily activities, but too poor to find a place and find someone to visit weekly to help.

New Year, New Pain

I used to think the pain remained the same, but it hasn’t.

I learned how to identify moments when the pain is about to change.

Here are a few things I have discovered over the years about Chronic Pain Syndrome.

• Pain caused by food is felt in the knees first.
• Pain caused by the weather is felt in the back and chest.
• Pain caused by stress is felt in the arms and legs.
• Pain that appears randomly is felt in the lower back, shoulders, hips, and thighs.

That is amazing to have discovered so much in a few years.

Here are some treatments I have found that help Chronic Pain Syndrome.

• Pain caused by food can be treated with a higher intake of water and vegetables.
• Pain caused by the weather can be treated by waiting for the weather to improve and light yoga and breathing exercises.
• Pain caused by stress can be treated by breathing exercises and tensing and releasing the muscles.
• Pain that appears randomly, requires extreme rest and strictly easy-to-digest foods.

Overcoming the depression that comes along with pain.

I will not lie to you; it can be a shitty existence sometimes to be in this much pain.

There are truly three ways to deal with depression and not kill yourself.

• Develop a dark sense of humor. Trust me, it will take you far.
• Give up hope early. Learn to deal with symptoms and triggers in your current reality.
• Be honest about what you feel and where. The only way to find help is to know your body.

After all, this is a disability. You will feel terrible, but keep going. I say this as someone who has suffered from chronic pain for the last 12 years.

Find one reason to keep living and hold on to that. For me, it’s reading books.

I would be pissed if I died early and an excellent book came out. I might come back and haunt the author.

Ridiculous, right?

I know, but it’s your life. I hope you find a reason to celebrate it, even with terrible pain.

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If you want to know more about my work, check out my latest poetry collection.