Lately, it seems my anxiety has gotten out of control. There is an overwhelming fear that creeps in each time I try to accomplish a goal or try something new. Different thoughts take root in my mind, and they fester, like infected wounds.
What if I fail?
What if I do well, will their expectations become too much?
Will they be disappointed in me, when they find out I am as/or more confused than they are?
I speak as if there is a group of people continually watching my progress in life and commenting on whether it was the right decision or not. I understand that on a fundamental level, I am not able to control what someone may think or feel about me. Trust me, if anything, my anxiety is very logical. I know what I need and want to do, but the fear creeps in.
It can be crippling, leaving me in the abyss of doubt for days on end, until I forgive myself for my fictional failures and realize that the only way I will grow is by going forward. Either way, I have begun to have more confident in failing and learning from such failure. And that’s the thing that gets me, failing.
Taking the time to reevaluate myself and my surrounds in terms of whether I am failing or not can be quite taxing. So rather than pulling my hair out based on standards that have nothing to do with my life experience or how I view the world, I should go about life with a view of optimism. Optimism is grand and all but not always practical. To fail is to have the ability to grow, and growth in the right direction has never been a casualty.