There are some moments when the night grows quiet, and I am reminded of the sins I have committed. I should be over them by now, I should have gotten over them by now.
But forgiveness lags behind my self-confidence, and I drown in the remorse of my actions. I suppose this is what guilt feels like. To be regretful, yet unable to attain the forgiveness that you seek because it is no longer yours to give.
I think to myself on these nights that maybe just maybe I can make it out of this alive. If I reveal the degree of my brokenness to my love, will he acknowledge that there is hope? Do I want to be recognized?
I think I do. But I also loathe the thought of someone standing over me with the sins of my past. I can’t blame anyone for my actions, and I won’t. I won’t.
I don’t know if I want to be forgiven or forgotten. Can it be a gesture of love to remain silent?
As I write this, it’s 11 am, and I am tired of thinking. Guilt is a powerful motivator and a massive pain in the bum. I can say for sure that we all have things we are guilty of. I hope that you will recognize that your feelings of guilt can be chains to hold you from going forward.
If you need to talk to someone about it, reach out to a person that you trust or write your confession down and burn it. It’s a cleansing ritual that I love to do, and it helps me get my mind back on track.
You don’t have to feel guilty for the rest of your life. Most religions teach some form of forgiveness, and we should take note. Forgive yourself, even if you can’t ask for forgiveness from the person you committed your grievance to and don’t do the same thing again. Learn from your mistakes and aim to be better.
In this life, we have no do-overs, so we must aim to make better decisions each time we are confronted with different options. Let’s walk in wisdom and understanding that there is nothing new under the sun, and each choice that we make will affect our future.
Be strong, change for the better, and make the world a better place.
As always my friends, stay happy, stay healthy, and keep moving forward.