I can’t say whether or not my depression has gotten better. Maybe it has, and I am just too down currently to notice it. I can say that I have been thinking more about my actions and how it affects others, whether close or far from me. This incredible journey of soul searching and discovery leaves me in awe.
To think that taking a step towards being mindful and stretching would help me be so at peace with myself.
What I have gained from the last 30 days is the ability to look at myself and say “Get On The Mat, NOWWW!!!” and not be afraid of what will happen or what I will discover about myself that day. It may seem small to you, but that is vulnerable to me. The mat has become a place of humility and adjustment. A place where change happens consistently and some days I don’t want change.
Some days I just want to be this corrupted individual with contrasting ideas and ways of thinking. I want to be perfect before the mat, but it shows me my flaws.
Are you able to keep going back, again and again, to re-examine yourself for better or worse? Most people will say no, I said no. It was the fear speaking.
What if I don’t like what I find? How do I deal with my morality?
These are the questions I had to deal with and still deal with when I go to the mat, but now I feel as if I am okay with not knowing all the answers.
I go to the mat to tackle my demons, and some days I come out as a champion, others I am beaten beyond recognition.
As always, my friends, stay healthy stay happy and keep moving forward.