It’s another month of maybe meeting resolutions and self-doubt. Trying to change your body will indeed be an uphill battle, especially if you need to lose weight and have a disability.

Since last year November, I started to really work out. I had the awakening that for an overall healthier life I will have to put some more effort into the maintenance and overall health of my body. I changed up my diet and started to workout more. Did I see positive results? Well not on the scale but I did have a few non-scale victories.

I could last longer when I wasn’t exercising, I wasn’t as winded on my walks, and I could sleep better. I started to count all my calories and refused to eat anything that would hinder my progress.

The results?

I gained weight. Some of that was muscle but nonetheless, I was now heavier than I was in the past. After a while, I realized that I was no longer losing at all, my days spent exercising was not having the effect that I wanted.

So I went to see my dietitian, it turns out I wasn’t eating enough. I was essentially starving my body in order to get to a better weight. My eating habits had gotten worse and my waistline increased once more.

There is nothing more frustrating than a setback after working so hard towards a goal.

My reaction

So I took a break. I stopped counting my steps, didn’t track my food, didn’t exercise, and I just breathe.

At first, I was anxious, I wanted to be doing something that leads me closer towards my goals. It was nerve-racking.

My feelings of worth were so linked to exercising and tracking every darn thing that I felt lost for the first time in a while.

It was inevitable that I would fail, I could not sustain such a heavy schedule without incurring the wrath of my fibromyalgia. When the flair-up came it was horrible. I was in pain for three days straight with one of the worst migraines I have ever had.

My Take Away

I don’t need a fitness tracker to tell me how far I walked today. I can eat without logging my food. People have been living a healthier lifestyle long before technology was there to help us.

Yes, I will still use my scale and monitor my weight. I will continue to watch what I eat, but I won’t write it down, I won’t worry about the details, or whether or not I am actually doing it right. My health is an intimate journey with lots of ups and downs. There will be some days when everything is perfect, but there will be others where life feels like it just exploded and I am struggling to catch up.

As long as I continue to go forward, I will be just fine. I hope you have gained some insights on how to view your journey and to take care of your body with moderation and kindness.

As always my friends, stay happy, stay healthy, and keep moving forward.